Final Thoughts

It's been a week since I disembarked the MV Explorer and I have to say, I miss that ship and the voyage an awful lot. I keep finding myself flipping through the many photos I've taken and collected from the voyage, I've been browsing through the NY Times reading up on the latest news from the Mediterranean world, and I've even been on SAS's website looking at the itinerary for upcoming voyages (Summer 2013 looks awesome!!!). It's funny, when the shrinks and the deans were saying that coming back to the States would be tough emotionally I kinda laughed and shrugged off the thought. I figured it would be like any return to real life after an awesome summer, just have to take a few days to get back into the grove of classes, practice, and work...no big deal. But, if I'm saying being in New England for a summer is "awesome" then SAS for a summer would have a be described as a first-class phenomenal summer...and maybe an understatement. I don't want to sound like I'm whining or acting spoiled, I probably am though, but after such an experience, after traveling to parts of the world I never thought about going to, after being at sea for two months I feel like I no longer fit in my niche. For the past year I thought I had everything planned out perfectly. I would go to school and get my AT degree while running; go to grad school in Boston; become the Athletic Trainer for the Sox, and live a happy life. Easy. Now though I'm unsure if that is what I want to do. I guess when to put it simply (but dramatically) I'm unsure of how I am. ***I'm literally just writing everything that is coming to my head now. This is probably all ridiculous and over dramatic but I'm going to write it anyways.*** I have no idea what it is I want to do now. Part of me wants to stick with the plan. Another part wants to add some variation, and the other just wants to get on the next plane out of the country. These are my final thoughts on the voyage. This voyage has changed me in ways I never realized until stepping off the ship. It has opened my eyes to a new world view, one in which the good guys (old uncle Sam) is not necessarily as great as many believe. I've learned that there is more in life than the house with the white picked fence, and that you should never take (this is going to sound stupid) the "man's" word for granted. People have been asking how my journey was and I've responded with many adjective describing greatness. I've also have said I've learned a lot usually referring to the world, but I now think that can mean I've learned about myself. That there is something else, something else that doesn't want to go on the path that I thought I had set in stone. Something that want to continue to explore and learn. If it was up to it I would probably do something really stupid...but I maybe I can learn from this twist pain in my stomach, this burn to be doing something else then send emails and prepare for class. Maybe I can use this to drive me to achieve more a find my new stone path...not stone though, just dirt. Because nothing is ever set in stone, even identity. I'll just end this all with a quote to sum everything up...because this rambling could probably be a short story if not.

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place fro the first time. -T.R. Eliot